Reflection On Revisions

Samantha Thuotte

Gaurino

9th April 2013

 Reflection

           

When revising my paper there were many things I already knew I needed to work on. I constantly have repetitive language and sentences. In order to get my point across instead of using "this ad" or "these ads" I used things like “the picture.” I needed to work on expressing my thoughts without the wishy washy language so that is something I have edited. I took out sentences and words that didn’t make sense and added more clear language to my paragraphs. I needed to work on my descriptions of the people in my ad and be more specific which I feel I did. The only things I still need more work on is my word count because I’m still 100 words behind but I feel like I’ve said all that I need to without having too much in each  of my sentences. My topic and ending sentences lacked in the fact that they didn’t recap or explain what my paragraph was going to be about.  I tried to emphasize on my topic sentence and recap with my ending sentence that made the paragraph make sense. I think I’ll need more feedback on what more to add and anything else that doesn’t make any sense. I have read my paper aloud and it seems to make sense but feedback from one of my peers would make it easier to understand.

Essay Revision Choice

I choose to rewrite my argumentative essay for the reason that I feel I can do so much better on expressing my argument. My ad was especially hard because it could be perceived in so many ways and that’s why it was a hard essay to write. I am hoping to rewrite my essay so that my argument is fully understandable and people can understand my argument reading it the first time around. That was a problem I came to when first writing my essay because I have much to say but I cannot narrow it done into proper sentences and sometimes I drift from one thought to another without explaining my ideas. Though there is not much to my ad, I need to focus on explaining and describing it more because that is something I lacked the first time around. My transitioning from paragraph to paragraph is something I will also work on because my transitions were weak and didn’t fully express my final thought about the paragraph in the last sentence. Repetition is something I found I did way to much in this essay so I will have to go in and edit my sentences so they do not sound like the sentence before each other. The last thing I hope to improve on is my grammar and spelling errors throughout the essay. I found I have a lot of “dumb” errors which is due to not reading my work out loud when complete. I feel I should edit this essay because I took the feedback I got and was able to show the techniques I learned through the Rhetorical Analysis essay and I believe I did better on that one then  I did my first.